MacGyver Casserole*

*No cans were opened in the production of this dish.

Macgyver Casserole

You will need a standard box of macaroni and cheese mix. I used Annie’s Peace Pasta with Parmesan.

Walk down to the garden and pick a few leaves of fresh spinach. Rip out a few garlic greens from your wild patch. Green onions could work, too. Or the reasonably good-looking parts of an onion you found sprouting in the bottom of your pantry.

Turn on the stove, and throw some olive oil in the pan. Start browning the pound of random hamburger you bought, thinking you might make burgers on the grill.

Throw the garlic and spinach in the sink and fill with cold water while you investigate the fridge. You are starting to get very hungry, and wondering if there will be enough food for both of you.

There are a few sort of dessicated baby portabella mushrooms? Good. Grab those, and those bits of sweet red pepper and the core end of that awful supermarket tomato you bought for sandwiches. Maybe there is about a third of a bar of jalapeno cheese that looks like it was left out on the counter on a hot day, then re-refrigerated. Grate that.

Chop the pepper and the garlic and throw them in with the meat. Throw those mushrooms in too, so they can rehydrate in the meat juices. Start the water for the pasta.

Now you are thinking there most definitely will not be enough food. So you open the freezer. There is a baggie of summer squash from 2006. Use only half, in case the freezer flavor is too strong. Some dried tomatoes from the same year! Throw a bunch in a bowl and pour boiling water over them. Reserve the water. That will make up for the lack of flavor in the supermarket tomato.

When the summer squash has thawed in the meat mixture, sprinkle the cheese packet from the pasta over all of it, and add two of the four fast food butter pats (make sure they are real butter) you found in the fridge. Add a little of the dried tomato water.

Find a little sort of dried basil-smelling stuff in the pantry and reduce to dust between your fingers, over the pan. Mix well.

Have you cooked the pasta yet? Good. Drain it and toss it with the remaining two fast food butter pats, then dump on top of the meat mix and throw in the flavorless tomato (it’s for color) and the fresh spinach, chopped. Add a little more dried tomato water, if needed, and then the grated, slightly melted and re-formed jalapeno cheese. Mix again. Maybe add some freshly ground black pepper.

Serves two people who are hungry enough to be non-discriminating. Don’t tell them what you put in it.

Results may vary.


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